I am aware that I am not truly the last person on earth, yet there are moments when it certainly feels that way. Regardless of how busy the day has been, there is always a time during the night when I experience a sense of solitude, feeling as though there is no one available for support—neither friends nor family. It does not matter how busy the day has been; there is always a part in the night where I feel alone, with no one there for me. No friends, no family, no nothing. Just me and the internet and thank God for it.

And just by having the internet, I know I am not alone. I know a lot of people, unfortunately, are suffering the same as me or even worse. And I wish I could help them all, just like I wish someone could help me. Lately I have been having so many thoughts about everything and nothing. Big and small. It’s really weird having so much in my head and not being able to say it out loud for so many reasons. In the last couple of days, I have been keeping myself busy with ideas and planning and trying to do something, but today it is hitting, and it’s hitting bad. How can someone have so much and yet feel so empty? I got a roof over my head, food on the table, water to shower and drink, clothes to choose from, and health. People that I know, if I call or text, will answer, but at the same time I feel like a bother. If I am not taking that first step, no one is, and as sad as it sounds, that is exactly how it’s looking. Today I saw a video about exactly that. It was this dude in a parking lot eating all by himself saying that if he did not call, text, invite, or ask, or whatever, no one would show up, but at the second that he would have said something about not having friends or being alone, a bunch of people would start to text him and call him out. But that is the thing; we all know people are busy in their world, but occasionally, you should check up on those friends that go 150% for you no matter what because those are the ones that really need your help the most. I live in a household with my dad and my brother, and I could not feel more distant from them even if I were on Jupiter, and as extreme as this sounds, it is the complete truth. And I do not know how to approach them or hang out or even talk because we have grown so much apart that it hurts, and they do not even know it. Everything hurt; I guess it is a change from feeling numb, but I really wish to be feeling that numbness rather than all of these weird things and hurt and painfulness and I have no idea what else. I would rather feel nothing than everything. I know I am not the last person on earth, but it sure feels like it. Maybe I am not ready for anything, maybe I’m pushing myself until I’m on thin, thin ice, but I need to do it. Someone has to.