At this exact point in my life, I don’t truly know if what I’m feeling is all hormonal or if it’s pure loneliness. My phone doesn’t ring at all; nobody wants to talk to me even when I make an effort and reach out. The question is, am I truly lonely, or is it that people are just busy? The only person that I want to hear from the most is out of my life, like every freaking time, and I’m broken into pieces. The thing is, am I really broken, or am I already and they hold me up together for a while? I have abandonment issues; I’m very well aware. I blame that on my mom, but that’s not the point. The point is that I’m a 30-year-old woman with a phone that, after a whole day at work, has a battery percentage of 56. I haven’t talked to a single person after I left work, and it has been crying since noon. But here I go again. Am I really lonely, or is it just hormonal? We cannot put aside that women feel more than any, and that some times of the month we get a bit more sentimental, plus mix a couple of happy pills that need to be taken every day. Could it be that that’s what’s happening to me on top of everything else I have going on?

What bothers me the most are two things: first, all the noise in my head. The best way to describe it would be saying that all I’m hearing is a fucked-up speaker, and I just want it to shut up. And the second thing that bothers me is that I know the second someone calls or texts, I’m going to be answering at the first ring. And I know that they don’t do that for me. Why am I like this? Why do I let everything get to me so damn hard? Why does it bother me so much? I just don’t get it. I never have, and apparently I never will. I don’t know; I guess I just want someone to talk to and for them to listen and pay attention to me the way I do to them. Is that too much to ask for? I just want to be happy and at peace for once in my life.

I always proofread and think twice and four times before posting, and I tried to be entertaining and talk about things some people may find interesting, but I really need to get this off my chest, and, besides, what’s the point of having a blog if I cannot post from my heart? That probably all of my posts are going to be depressing? Well, yeah, and I apologize for that in advance, but that’s all I know; that’s all I do. nothing more, nothing less. Yes, I know my life is extremely boring. You didn’t have to tell me; I already knew.

Update: 08/13/2025

It’s definetly not hormonal, it’s pure anger.

-Y